Kams Liked the Joke I Stole from Kimmy Schmidt

Monday, August 12, 2024

You guys, my friend texted me again. Kams. I call her “Kams” since we’re so close and can be all informal. She still calls me “Matthew” which is semi-formal but I just call her “Kams” and she laughs about it, probably. And I’m honored she texted. I really am. It’s just, well, I did a quick count and she wrote 266 words in that text. That is a lot of words.

Normally I’m just like, “Hey, girl! Why can’t JD Vance get pregnant where he sleeps?” And she’s like, “I donno, why?” And I’m like, “‘Cause the couch pulls out.” And she’s like, “rofl ha ha” and that’s it.

This text, though…this text was long. And I told myself I wasn’t going to say anything here, but I feel like I have to. Guys, she asked me for $25 again.

I don’t get it. She always includes a photo. In this one she’s talking to her grandpa-so kind of her to check on him! She looks like she is using some pretty sophisticated Mission Impossible type equipment for the call, though. I bet it costed at least five hundred thousand dollars at Costco (which, I mean, they’re the only game in town with a government contract, what can you do?).

I still couldn’t help but wonder how she got the money for it. Are techno portals not that expensive as I think they are? Are they just $25 and she already has one but now wants more and that’s why she asked me again for that exact same amount of $25?

It’s just a little odd. You know? I mean, I’ll probably send her the money. I just hope she doesn’t spend it on techno portals like the one in the photo.

Her grandpa looks tired in the photo, by the way. Nice. Accomplished. But tired. Good to see an older person using all that newfangled technology though.