After our lovely, long weekend away, I had some work-related frustrations as soon as I walked in the door (surprise, surprise). I enjoy where I work. I really do. (There’s a ‘but’ coming.) It’s fulfilling to know that my work ultimately helps people and not solely corporate profiteers. (Still a ‘but’ on the way.) I appreciate and like the people I work with, and I generally like the tasks I perform. (Here’s that ‘but’ you’ve been waiting for.) BUT – I’m longing to move away from the red tape and total absence of delegated decision-making authority, and move towards an organization whose values more closely align with my own. I’ll need to stay in the public or nonprofit sector to remain eligible for student loan forgiveness, presuming it still exists tomorrow. Or later this afternoon.
Maggie Cat came home on Monday, shortly after we did. Boarding her for our trip was probably a good idea. She got some attention but got to heal and recover on her own in a cozy spot.
Not going into detail, but I relapsed this week (behaviorally not consumption-ally, not that it matters). I’ve appreciated the support SMART Recovery is providing. I want my behavior to match my values, and I didn’t live that way this week.
We saw a performance of The Last 5 Years over the weekend. It’s my favorite musical, second to Into the Woods. It always makes me cry – from the first introduction of the main musical motif in the first song. I love the circular/infinity theme (found in artifacts like wedding rings, a repeating musical motif, and stage blocking). I love the exploration of an ending is a beginning is an ending. I love the real, complex, and heavy reflection of all the stages of a relationship that didn’t last. I’m glad we got to see it.
Coincidentally, Husband and I had our own real, complex, and heavy conversation as we had dinner just before the show. We moved through it. We tried really hard to understand each other and correctly interpret the words we were saying out loud and also the things we were feeling but not saying. Sometimes it’s really strenuous for me to put things in a way that someone else can understand. It’s hard to be precise, to express and name the emotion that I’m feeling, to state what I need, and to help whoever’s listening to me follow my train of thought. I try to pick very intentional words and phrases. “I’m feeling very surprised right now. I didn’t know you felt this way.” “If I’m holding up a project because you’re waiting for me to make a decision, please tell me you’re waiting on me to make a decision. Don’t assume that I know there’s even a decision that I need to make.” “It’s really helpful to me if you present me with limited options, not a big, blank canvas. Tell me, ‘OK, you can have red or blue. Which one do you want?’ I might say, ‘What if we look at purple?’ but presenting small choices helps my brain start firing the right synapses in the right direction.”
Relationship-ing is hard. Communicating effectively and openly is hard. Being attentive and present is hard. But I can’t physically, emotionally, or intellectually comprehend a life without Husband. It’s as plain to me as the sky being blue and the clouds being white (and sometimes grey) that we are to be together. I knew it almost immediately. I don’t think I would’ve had someone take a photograph of us on our first date if I hadn’t been pretty sure I’d just met the right man.
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Highlights
📺 Watching
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Dan Barker introduces the concept of “Contraduction” | Freedom From Religion Foundation Convention 2024
Dan Barker introduces a philosophical concept he calls “contraduction,” which refers to a 180-degree reversal of reality based on false assumptions. He explains how this concept applies to religious arguments, particularly the idea that the universe is fine-tuned for life. Barker argues that instead of thinking life was designed for the universe, it’s more accurate to say life adapted TO the universe. Through humorous anecdotes and thought-provoking examples, he encourages the audience to rethink religious reasoning and embrace evidence-based perspectives.
🍿 Viewing
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Check back next week.
📚 Reading
Check back next week. Probably the week after that, actually. I really need to read more.
🍽️ Eating
Pearl’s Diner in Logan, Ohio. Get the biscuits & gravy - they split the biscuits and throw ‘em on the griddle so they get all crispy and delicious.
🎧 Listening
Follow me on Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/profile/WiredDifferently
📰 Scanning
Jim Curtis: Religion deserves no legal protections
🙏 Thanking
- Dr. Tom who did Maggie’s oral surgery
- A safe return home
- A hard, but meaningful conversation with Husband
🩺 Healing
SMART Recovery meeting (virtual)
