What happens to a dog deferred?

Husband had every good intention of getting a Lagotto Romagnolo puppy for me and us. They are gorgeous, intelligent, affectionate, loyal, energetic dogs. We found a breeder in Ohio and Husband put down a deposit.

I had a couple reservations (“Gosh, that’s expensive”), which turned into freezing cold feet (“Gosh, this Reddit thread says they need a lot of physical and mental stimulation which I’m not sure we can provide”), which turned into entirely letting go of the dream of getting the female puppy with the small white stripe on her otherwise brown head whose eyes have just opened and who squeaks like a squeaky toy while she crawls over her littermates in the video posted by the breeder.

I cried this morning when I listed the long list of the reasons why I’m more worried than excited about the idea of bringing that sweet girl into our lives and home.

Emotionally I’m ready for, want, and need a canine companion.

Financially and logistically it’s just not feasible.

Not that we’ll ever be 100% “ready” for a new family member - nobody is ever entirely “ready” no matter what they say. But you know when you’re not ready.

And right now, we are not ready.

I wanted to name her Beatrice (meaning ‘she who brings happiness’).