Today is the 2nd anniversary of the day we had to end Lucy’s final suffering and pain by euthanasia. Her birthday was last week. I had asked her to hold on for me until she was 14, and so she did. We were in sync, Lucy and me.
I couldn’t be in the room when they did it.
Husband stayed with her. I went to the car and cried and wailed like I had never done before or since. I felt the pain of grief in my body in a place that I had never felt before. I physically accessed a part of myself I didn’t know was there. It was like a hole being dug, like my center and core were being ripped out of my body. My entire essence bruised. I took 3 days from work to recover and grieve. And yet I miss her so much still.
Last year we buried her remains in Husband’s garden, alongside Bonsai’s. I lit some incense, and sat down, and mourned, and cried. I think I played a song.
She really became a part of me, and a part of me left when she did.
I will always miss Lucy, and I will always love Lucy.
